Please, let me fuck your mom
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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