I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
