he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
