I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
