your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
i think i just lost a toe
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
