NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
