He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
