In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
