I'm going to jail i love you
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
