you guys were way drunker than both of me
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Sorry my hands just texted you
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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