The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
