booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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