Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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