i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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