Cold hands, warm shart.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
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