It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
