He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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