2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
