I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
