Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
