areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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