I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
