Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize