my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
How's work?
Spinning.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Randomize
