we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
