i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
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