sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
