So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
