I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
