Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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