i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
