Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I can't turn off my feet"
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Randomize
