I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
