I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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