I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
