are you still at the devil's house?
I just pynch a tree in the face
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
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