I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
