Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Randomize
