I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
