someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
