Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
