oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
