Bisexual people are plain selfish.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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