I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Randomize
