I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize