the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
