i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Randomize
