it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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