im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
