even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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