GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
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