Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
it's like heaven, but drunker
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize