Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
