honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
