Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
