i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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