I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Randomize
