Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
