i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
