Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
