So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
