All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
