i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
40s are totally the cure
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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