end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
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