he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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