it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
