you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
