Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
