She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
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