Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
